Wishing On A Star

14 Jun Wishing On A Star

An interesting article crossed my desk this week.

 

Forbes cited a survey that suggests that up to 68% of Baby Boomer parents either are currently and/or have financially supported their adult children – in most cases greatly compromising their own retirement plans.

 

We’re talking “taking out loans”, “second mortgage” kind of compromise.

 

Now, no one debates the importance of a parent being there as a resource – and a fallback when necessary… but something seems to have spiraled out of control when it comes to ensuring independence for a generation of young Americans… and the responsibility that goes with that.

 

That same Forbes article reveals a majority of “retirees” want some way to limit their degree of financial support – but may not be sure of exactly how to do that.

 

But the larger problem is one that may not be fully appreciated – even though many of the older generation interviewed for the article are clear in their commentary.

 

Their message is emphatic – in our zeal to extend a helping hand financially we’re actually weakening our children.

 

Gee, you think?

 

A number of years ago I wrote a book about building a career – about leadership.

 

In The Compass Solution we invest much time in making clear that, for each of us, there must be a North Star… and though many confuse that point in the sky with their parents, the government, the company they work for, or the vicissitudes of life – the harsh reality is something more.

 

We call it Personal Accountability.

 

If it is to be, then it must begin with me.

 

For some, it is a radical concept today.

 

The notion that each of us has responsibility for our actions and their outcomes.

 

That we own the consequences – and looking to others for a “bail out” is not the healthiest option.

 

That accountability extends far beyond the “parent-child” relationship by the way – far, far beyond.

 

It includes every citizen in this country – regardless of political affiliation.

 

Unfortunately far too many find it easy to embrace the antithesis of Personal Accountability.

 

We call it General Unaccountability.

 

And it is a national mindset that is growing.

 

• “My job sucks – well, it must be my manager’s fault.”

 

• “I’m overdrawn at the bank – that stupid girl that sold me the condo tricked me.”

 

• “Crime is just getting out of control – why doesn’t somebody do something?”

 

• “My kid is flunking out of school – it’s those idiots he hangs out with all the time.”

 

• “I am spiraling into debt – what’s my government going to do to fix this?”

 

• “I hate my life – why is everyone against me?”

 

 

 

This news bulletin just in – Before you decide to fix the world, fix yourself.

 

I invest much time as an Executive Coach and in various workshops.  I’m not sure if there is a more important message that I share than this one.

 

Maybe it’s because I came to a stunning conclusion early in my own career journey that shifted my worldview.

 

I recognized that I carried two tools with me that would be there for the duration of my life.

 

One was a magnifying glass – and with that I could study everything around me – and to a stunning degree.

 

The other was a mirror – and if I chose, I could use that to study… me.

 

That magnifying glass was powerful – it was quite easy to find imperfections in the people that surrounded me – and in the system I was a part of – or the company that paid me – or the country of which I was a citizen.

 

The mirror, on the other hand, was pretty clouded.

 

Sometimes I didn’t recognize my own reflection.

 

It was only when I resolved to strike a balance in how I chose to use the magnifying glass and the mirror that I began to embrace the power of what would become my North Star.

 

Admittedly, I remain a work in progress.

 

I think all of us are.

 

But I continue to remind myself (and others) that the victim mindset destroys human potential – our failure to assume Personal Accountability destines us to a life of struggle.

 

Sometimes we even unwittingly pass that disease along to our heirs.

 

Looking into the mirror can be tough – demanding others do the same, even tougher.

 

Knowledge is the accumulation of data and information.

 

Wisdom is in understanding what to do with it.

 

There is a difference.

 

The wisest of us reconcile the imperfection of helping others by first stripping away their responsibility.

 

Maybe it’s because it’s because they understand that the very moment you assume accountability for every aspect of your life that you realize you can change everything in your life.