At The Bell, Come Out Fighting

13 Feb At The Bell, Come Out Fighting

I watched a brawl unfold just the other day.

It seems to be a normal part of life now.

This one was on national television. Two outspoken experts, each convinced their view was the way, the truth, and the light.

And just as convinced that the other was a raving lunatic – and dangerous to society as a whole.

I guess it makes for good television – conflict, after all, is the foundation for a compelling story so one might assume the same formula applies to talk shows.

Verbal jousting – and outright free-for-alls – are rampant today.

Far Left hates the Far Right.

Republicans hate Democrats.

Pick an opinion – any opinion. Sports, entertainment, vacation destinations, immigration, the price of olive oil, or the color of your new pants.

There is someone who disagrees with you.

And the subsequent debate all too often deteriorates into , “Not only am I right and you’re wrong…but you’re also an idiot.”

I’m not convinced this is a path to consensus.

Civil discourse has become an almost forgotten art.

Aided and abetted by social media, which allows people to shoot arrows from afar – and sometimes in anonymity.

Which might be why I invest time working with corporate clients on the advantages of our P.B.S. System.

Because (at least in the business world) disagreement doesn’t have to mandate invectives and insults.

The ad hominem reaction.

Translation…”Not only you are an idiot but so is your Aunt Martha and everyone who has ever known you” response.

P.B.S. doesn’t stand for Public Broadcasting System.

It’s a simple approach we suggest clients consider when they encounter someone with an opposing view.

Or someone that wants to argue.

Or someone that wants to agitate.

Or (heaven forbid) someone that wants to manipulate.

That’s right, pretty much anyone that dares differ with you.

Apparently even the greatest of us occasionally encounter this phenomenon.

Here’s how it works….

The next time you entertain a “contrarian”, consider the power of P.B.S. 

1. Pause. That’s right, resist the urge to immediately respond.  Take a second.
2. Breathe. This is the tough part – take one long deep breath. Amazing how powerful this step can be.
3. Seek. The most important step of all – clarify your understanding, ask questions, make certain you’ve fully understood the other person’s point of view – and why they have it.

These steps do not guarantee immediate resolution.  Not by a long shot.

But in some ways they accomplish something more.

They ensure both parties have been heard.

I’ve come to believe too many never feel that.

And so they just yell louder.

Like I said….

It can make for great television.

I’m not sure it makes for a great life.